


Midnight feelings

by cuinaminute



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Feelings, i dont really know tags, just a midnight talk, lol, some tiny fluff, umm sad??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:40:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27610814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuinaminute/pseuds/cuinaminute
Summary: I suck at summaries but uhh-You are about to go on a long-term mission and can't sleep so you go to the kitchen to grab a drink and calm your nerves. You are surprised when Natasha finds you and chooses to chat.
Relationships: Natasha Romanov (Marvel) & Reader, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	Midnight feelings

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like this is complete and utter trash, but because at one point I liked it, I did think about adding two more parts to this. If you guys would like to read more of this then pls let me know.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Her voice brings you out of your daze, causing you to look up from the cup in your hands, just seeing her made you smile. It’s not your best smile, but she doesn’t voice it as she gives you a smile in return. You place the cup down on the table as you see her extend her arm out, and you notice a penny in between her fingers. You can’t help your confused smile before shrugging and pocketing the copper coin. “Can’t sleep.” You answer her question as she takes a seat across from you at the table you were currently occupying. She hums before crossing her arms and studying how you ran your finger over the rim of your cup not once, or twice, but four times. 

“Worried?” She tries again because she knew you technically dodged her question. After all, you told her why you were up and not the reason behind it. You close your eyes as you think it over, you couldn’t tell her that you’ve been having trouble sleeping for the past week, or how you have been over analyzing your upcoming mission because you were being sent in blind, having no idea what awaited you. You couldn’t tell her that she’s been on your mind continuously ever since you found out that you would be gone for a year. You couldn’t tell her how you felt or what you thought, so you did the most reasonable thing, you lied to Natasha Romanoff. You lied to one of your friends; you lied to the ex-spy who you’ve come to terms with having feelings for.

“I’m fine, Nat,” You finally look up at her, and you can’t help but notice how beautiful she is, even in the middle of the night here talking with you while she should be asleep. Her hair looks so soft and slightly ruffled as the ends rest against her even more flawless shoulders. Her black tank top complimenting her tan skin, and then there were her eyes so green and vibrant that you could easily get lost in them, green eyes that held so much history and built up even more walls but still let you see glimpses of what’s beneath. You wanted to be the one to help her lower her walls; you wanted to tell her how special she was and that she was worth loving just as much or even more than the next person. You wanted to be the one to tell that she was perfect, that no matter the past or wrongdoings that led to this point, she was everything to you.

But you couldn’t tell her all the things you wanted, couldn’t leave her to ponder over your feelings towards her when you were supposed to leave in less than five hours. You didn’t want to mess everything up between the two of you because you wanted to be more than friends. You couldn’t, wouldn’t do that to her.

“You don’t look fine.”

Why? Why did she have to know you so well? “I’m fine, Tasha,” You say, trying to reassure her while adding your favorite nickname of hers for good measure, but you can tell by the way she’s still looking at you that she doesn’t believe you. You give her a small smile before standing and emptying your cup into the sink, washing it, and putting it back where you found it. “Are you sure?” No. You almost let the dam flood, primarily because that question made you feel even more unstable with your feelings than you already were. But you just nodded your head and gave a short “Yes” before turning back to her, leaning against the counter, those green eyes still watching you with concern.

“Why are you up?” It’s a halfhearted attempt at changing the conversation, but she doesn’t protest. “Couldn’t sleep.” She mirrors your previous answer, and you couldn’t help your amused smile. “Tea always helps me,” you glance at where you previously found your cup, which was now drying in that very same spot but notice Natasha shaking her head in the corner of your eye. “You know I don’t like your tea,” she sends a teasing smirk your way, and you find yourself smiling again. “You haven’t even tried it yet.” You tease her back, and she’s laughing because she knows you’re right. After all, she promised that she’d never take your tea as long as you didn’t touch her coffee.

“I’m going to miss you.” It sounds different from all the other times she’s said those words; it sounds more honest and vulnerable. You both know that you’ve never been on a mission that went over six months, and even though this was only another six months, a year was a long time. “I’m gonna miss you too.” You don’t want to leave, but you were never the type of person to disobey orders unless positively necessary, especially if those orders come from Fury.

“I should probably try and get some sleep before heading off.” She nods, but neither of you attempts to move from your spots. “Are you actually going to get some sleep?” You shake your head. “Probably not, but the tea helped a little. At least I can start packing.” You shrug and push yourself from the counter with the palms of your hands. “You look tired, though,” you see her shake her head, red hair falling in her face, and she looks beautiful. “Come on,” Your standing by her chair, motioning towards the hallway. “I’ll walk you to your room.” She doesn’t protest; she doesn’t insist that she’s not tired; instead, she takes your hand in her own and lets you lead her back to her room. Natasha smiles at you when the two of you come to a stop at her closed bedroom door, one that shows her gratitude and something else that you can’t quite point out. “I’ll be sure to see you before you leave,” she says, and you pull her into a hug that she gladly returns. “There’s not a chance in hell that I’ll leave without a goodbye.” You hear as much as feel her laughing at your statement before she reluctantly lets you go, “You better not, or I’ll never forgive you.” You chuckle at how serious she looks, and she jabs a finger into your shoulder.

“Promise.” Natasha is glaring at you, but you don’t miss the vulnerable look behind those breathtaking eyes that betray how serious she was looking at you. “Don’t worry.“ Your voice is soft and full of reassurance and the urge to tell you how much Natasha doesn’t want you to go increases. "I would never willingly cross the Black Widow.” You lightly joke. “I promise to see you before I leave.” Your tone is serious again as you take one of her hands in your own, “I’ll be back in a jiffy,” her grip tightens, she doesn’t want you to go, doesn’t want to have to wait, but those words that are at the tip of her tongue won’t budge. Natasha isn’t able to tell you that she thinks you are the most amazing person she’s ever met, that she wants to be the reason you smile, that she wishes you felt the same as she did, as you let her hand go, bid her good night and head back to your room to pack. Five hours, that’s all the time she had to come up with the words that she so desperately wanted you to know, five hours to find 20 seconds of insane courage.

Yes, a year is a long time, but it can feel even longer when much needed words are left unsaid. A year is a long time to think and even longer to wait.


End file.
